i'm an idiot. a crazy weirdo who can't be a human being for one god damn second | i'm just a neurotic mess who thinks people don't like me so it is whatever when i worry about things really | in the spirit of bad-decisions sunday, who do i followup w/ re: my poorly decided texts form last night | i feel like i'm doomed to compulsively seek people out and then drive them away with my problems | sundried tomatoes?
what do i do when i have so much love in me but nobody to share it with | cigarettes always made me more anxious, not less. but they would quiet voices and delusions really well, and i don't know why | i'm taking a lot of tramadol lately trying to keep that delicate balance of being buzzed and forgetting my life but not getting a seizure | help, all my music makes me depressed
smoking rules except for the way it makes your insides die | im perpetually angry about racism, misogyny, transphobia, classism, xenophobia, liberalism, and people who have terrible opinions | are the lives of nerd guys so boring and uneventful that their biggest worry is ‘fake nerd girls’
in addition to the constant feeling of despair, hopelessness guilt and regret i also seem to have a massive sense of empathy that crushes me | I have enough benzos and some heroin to end it all. I just want to disappear | i passed by a place after lunch and it reminded me of a really cool lad i wish i was dating right now fuck | loving me is a pointless thing to do. love a piece of lint, it would be a better use of your emotions | i had so many good things and i destroyed them all. now i have nothing but the garbage in my head | i can't exist. i'm worthless, useless. i'm a broken piece of shit | can't look at myself in the mirror without wanting to scream, break it and hurt myself
i am a vile thing that infects | struck down by an acute case of Sudden Knowledge of Loneliness | oh my god, fucking liberals. first we kill the fucking fascists, and then we use that momentum to kill the liberals too | I seem to be sliding into a routine where I sleep for 2 hours at night and 2 hours during the day | idk if thats healthy or not | I am a reprobate with no taste or even the bare minimum of standards for how I conduct myself | coffee and french toast. good morning | i feel like i just... dont have anything left, like my brain is so fucked up and i will never not feel like killing myself | I am just a thing wrapped in a vaguely human shaped she
I want to dropkick the world | i bet if i opened up a mexican restaurant in norway i'd be a kroganaire by the end of the month | anyone who can live in this world without mental illness is obscenely privileged or utterly hateful | i still can’t see the name “golden dawn” without thinking of the late 19th/early 20th british occult organization | Kiev or Kyiv and other important questions | if you've ever wondered what the most boring conversation ever had by human beings is, it's three nerds talking about game of thrones | i drink too much i don't drink often but when i do i drink too much ok fine i drink often | i have Problems so w/e | my life is a series of repetitive, rhythmic actions
i think i may have fucked up my whole life but im pretty ambivalent about it. after all the world needs fuck ups. or something | there are “leftists” out there who have been personally inspired by chuck palahniuk, and there’s a very special place in the gulag for them | lol stalin outlived orwell | i feel so ... helpless, sometimes, to say anything, to connect, to matter. and then i hate myself after and withdraw further | all the milk is gone. i had to put ice cream in my coffee this morning because I Am An Adult | It’s going to be cool when I go completely mad and my entire cognitive process is replaced with viral internet videos.
suicidal thoughts are comforting in that they're at least something i can accomplish | I love how my brain's reaction to brokenheartedness is that my heart races and hurts | my heart is pounding right now and i can only assume it's not pounding, but screaming with loneliness and grief | great gatsby sits in the interesting position that it's at once overrated and underrated | I think of myself as a color-liker but in practice I pretty much only wear black. black owns | one day i’m returning to my glorious european homeland, the republic of mongolia | i was a weird kid, i think moving to another continent and my parents divorcing messed me up lmao | *looks up momentarily from honing guillotine* | *shrugs indifferently, continues* | i might have a political fetish for protests turning violent